There’s no right or wrong way to feel, but keeping emotions hidden can make everything worse.

Why?

Because if you have strong feelings and you don’t talk about them, it makes it difficult to talk about anything at all. For example, if you’re feeling angry, embarrassed or sad, chances are you won’t be able to concentrate on anything until it’s out in the open.

The moment someone says something like: “I’m sorry I’m being so weird today, it’s just that...” you’ll find that the communication suddenly gets much easier.

Sometimes putting a name to what you're feeling helps:

Shock/disbelief
It’s likely that you’ll have a massive “”WTF?!” moment when you or someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. This can happen even if you suspected something was up, because it’s unlikely that you would be expecting cancer.

Fear
Let’s be frank: finding out that you or someone you love has cancer can scare the crap out of you. Some fear is based in reality but some isn’t. Admitting that you’re afraid can sometimes be a big relief. Learning early on how to deal with your fear will be really helpful.

Anger
Feeling angry is pretty understandable. You might feel like it’s just not fair, want to know WHY it happened, and then get mad at yourself for feeling that way. When feelings like this strike, be as kind to yourself as possible and remember that it’s not bad to feel this way. There are good ways and bad ways to deal with anger.

Sadness
There are lots of reasons to feel sad when you or someone close to you is diagnosed with cancer, and it’s a natural reaction. If, however, the sadness persists for a long time and starts to get in the way of other things, then you may be feeling depressed.

Guilt
It can strike for all sorts of reasons. You might feel guilty that you’re healthy and your parent or sibling isn’t. You might feel bad that someone has to take time off work to look after you. You might wish that you didn’t have to help with extra chores around the house – and then feel guilty about that! It’s easy to get caught up in these thoughts, but it’s also very unproductive.

Nothing
Sometimes you might feel absolutely nothing and it may take a while until you do. Don’t be hard on yourself if this is the case – it doesn’t mean you don’t care, just that it might take a while for you to process it all.

Neglected
If your parent or sibling has cancer, it might feel like you’re being left out or forgotten because everybody’s focusing on them. The relationships section has some info that might make you feel a bit better about this.

Embarrassed
People sometimes look different or act differently because of cancer, and people sometimes ask annoying questions that you don’t know how to answer. Dealing with starers can be fun.

Jealousy
It’s not uncommon for you to feel jealous, whether it's you, or your brother or sister who has cancer. You might be jealous of all the attention your brother or sister is getting or you might be jealous because you are stuck in hospital and can’t go out and do the same things as everyone else.

Loneliness
It's common to feel isolated, even if you're surrounded by people all the time. You might miss hanging out with your friends, or your parent or sibling who is in hospital. It can feel like nobody understands what you're going through.

Remember: you are not the only person out there who is going through this.